The Beginning: When Two Became a Dream of Three
Gary and Sam didn’t stumble into parenthood. They walked toward it deliberately, one wine-fueled conversation at a time.
They met five years ago, and almost immediately, kids came up. Not in a heavy, “where is this going?” way, but naturally, like discussing favorite movies or whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
They both wanted children. They both wanted to be dads.
And as their relationship deepened through a global pandemic, a house move, questionable haircuts, and finally marriage in September 2024, that dream grew roots.
But unlike most couples, Gary and Sam couldn’t just “see what happens.” Unless they were planning a miracle involving an avocado and a lightning storm (Gary’s words), science was always going to be part of the process.
So in late 2024, they kicked off what would become the wildest, most expensive, emotionally loaded adventure of their lives: IVF and surrogacy.
Why Surrogacy? Because Love Doesn’t Come with a Roadmap
For Gary and Sam, surrogacy journey wasn’t just the most viable option. It was the right one. They wanted a biological connection to their child, a story they could one day share with honesty and pride. They wanted to build a family rooted in intention, not convenience.
They researched adoption. They explored co-parenting arrangements. But ultimately, IVF with gestational surrogacy felt like home. It meant one of them could have a genetic link to their child. It meant choosing every step with care. And most importantly, it meant their child would know exactly where they came from, loved fiercely before they even existed.
The emotional weight of that choice was enormous. This wasn’t about wanting a baby with “abs and a master’s degree,” as Sam joked. It was about creating life deliberately, with people who believed in their dream as much as they did.
The Village: Finding Their Surrogates
Here’s where Gary and Sam’s story diverges from many others: they didn’t need to find their surrogates through an agency or database. Their surrogates, an incredible couple they already knew from their chosen family circle, offered.
Actually offered.
Not strangers. Not a clinical match. Real people from their world who saw Gary and Sam’s dream, believed in it, and said, “Yeah, we’ll walk that road with you.”
One would carry the baby. The other would be her anchor, their rational and emotional support. Together, the four of them became a team navigating one of the most complex journeys two men can take toward fatherhood.
And Gary and Sam knew how rare this was. How lucky. Because in Australia, surrogacy is altruistic. You can’t advertise, you can’t pay, and finding someone willing to carry a child for you is like winning the lottery while holding a flat white and wearing a Mardi Gras cape.
The Red Tape Olympics: Australian Surrogacy Laws
If you think becoming a parent is just about love and wanting a child, welcome to the bureaucratic nightmare that is Australian surrogacy law.
Every state has different rules. What’s allowed in NSW might be banned in Queensland. Some states only recently legalized surrogacy for gay couples (like Western Australia). Others make it illegal to even say you’re looking for a surrogate.
Gary and Sam live in NSW, which sits on the more progressive end of the spectrum. But even there, the process is brutal:
- Mandatory counseling for both intended parents and surrogates
- Psychological screening (yes, you need a psychologist to approve you as fit to parent)
- Legal agreements that aren’t even legally binding in Australia, but are still critical
- Ethics committee approval before you can even start IVF
- Post-birth court proceedings to be legally recognized as parents
And all of this? It takes years. Gary and Sam started their journey in late 2024. By mid-2025, they were still deep in paperwork, bloodwork, and emotional work before they could even think about embryos.
But they chose this path because it felt right. Because it was built on relationship, not transaction. Because their future child would grow up knowing they were surrounded by love from day one.
If reading about counseling requirements, ethics approvals, and post-birth court orders makes your head spin, you’re not alone. Surrogacy isn’t just emotional – it’s legal. And understanding how parentage, contracts, and cross-border recognition actually work can save you years of confusion and costly mistakes.
If you want a clear breakdown of how surrogacy law works in Australia and internationally, explore Surrogacy & The Law: Navigating the Legal Maze of International Surrogacy inside Family By Choice.
Build your journey on legal clarity, not guesswork.
The Egg Hunt: Choosing a Donor Across the Ocean
Finding an egg donor in Australia? Nearly impossible. So Gary and Sam looked overseas.
They went through The World Egg and Sperm Bank (TWESB), an international agency based in the US. And what followed was three months of scrolling through profiles like the world’s weirdest, most emotionally loaded Tinder.
They looked at hundreds of donors. Some got ruled out for medical history. Others didn’t feel quite right. Some they adored but didn’t pass genetic compatibility checks.
Sam’s priorities: Emotional depth. Warmth in their words. Someone who felt real, not rehearsed.
Gary’s priorities: Zero red flags in the family medical tree. Someone grounded with a GPA above 3.5. And height. (He says it’s for “genetic balance.” Sam says it’s so the kid can reach the top shelf.)
Their conversations looked like this:
Sam: “This donor made me cry. I think she’s the one.”
Gary: “She’s got three second cousins with high cholesterol. NEXT.”
Eventually, after seven rounds of shortlisting, they found her. A warm, musically talented healthcare worker from Arizona with a passion for family and a heart for helping others. Smart (4.0 GPA, so Gary couldn’t be prouder), driven, and generous to her core.
And suddenly, the future felt a little more real.
Whose Sperm? The Question Every Gay Couple Faces
One of the first big questions: whose genetic material would they use?
The conversation went something like this:
Sam: “So… are we using your sperm or mine?”
Gary: “Well, definitely not mine. I’m not interested in raising a devil spawn, thank you.”
Sam: “Perfect. Top up?”
Gary: “Yes please, heavy pour.”
But beneath the humor was real emotional work. Because when you’re a same-sex couple, there is no default. Every choice is intentional.
Will one dad feel less connected?
Will people treat them differently?
Will their child wonder why they chose one over the other?
Ultimately, they chose Sam. Not just because he has good hair and better baby photos (though that helped). But because Gary felt no attachment to biology when it came to fatherhood. In his words: “I don’t need to share chromosomes to show up as a dad.”
They’ve always said their child will be 100% Sam, 100% Gary, and 100% their own little weirdo. That’s the math that works for them.
The Medical Marathon: Hormones, Labs, and Hope
By mid-2025, they had:
✅ Completed counseling
✅ Passed psychological screening
✅ Chosen and screened their egg donor
✅ Frozen Sam’s sperm
✅ Shipped donor eggs from the US (hello, customs declaration for ova)
✅ Signed legal agreements
✅ Gotten ethics committee approval
✅ Started their surrogate’s hormone prep
And then came the part everyone dreads: embryo creation.
They started with 8 frozen donor eggs. All 8 survived the thaw (a miracle in itself). All 8 were fertilized with Sam’s sperm.
And then, slowly, they started to drop:
- 7 made it to day 2
- 6 made it to day 3
- 1 made it to day 4
That number, 1 – carried everything. All their hope. All their fear. Their entire future in a cluster of cells barely visible to the naked eye.
Transfer Day: Science Meets Faith
On September 19, 2025, they transferred their single embryo.
It wasn’t a perfect Day 5 blastocyst. It was a Day 4 morula, slower than expected, graded as “okay” but not ideal. The Professor agreed to transfer it anyway. After all, they had nothing to lose.
The procedure took 10 minutes. A catheter. An ultrasound. And in went their embryo, sticky with hope and a binding solution, placed gently into the follicle their surrogate’s body had been preparing for weeks.
Then came the wait.
The Two-Week Wait. The hardest part of the whole process.
They manifested. They whispered encouragement. They wore warm socks (apparently it means a warm uterus). They tried not to spiral every time they felt a twinge or checked their phone.
The Call That Changed Everything
On Tuesday, October 1, 2025, their surrogate did the blood test.
The words came quietly: “Not pregnant.”
No drama. No Hollywood sad music. Just a quiet finality that echoed in Gary and Sam’s chests long after the call ended.
They had prepared for this possibility. They had talked about it in counseling, in late-night conversations, in the careful way you do when you’re trying to protect your heart but still leave room for hope.
But knowing it might happen didn’t soften the blow.
This was a loss. Not of a baby, but of expectation. Of the imagined future they’d been carrying in the background of their days. The conversations about how to share the news. The flashes of “if this works.” All of it evaporated in an instant.
Reflection, Grief, and What Comes Next
In the days that followed, Gary wrote:
“We do find ourselves grieving the little stories we had started to build: the ‘maybe this time,’ the ‘if it works, here’s how we’ll share the news,’ the ‘how we’ll start setting things up.’ Those were real conversations, and stepping back from them leaves a gap we both notice.”
They leaned on each other. On their surrogates. On their village. They read research on IVF failure, on ambiguous loss, on resilience. They gave themselves permission to pause.
And slowly, they started asking: What comes next?
Do they try again?
When?
Can they afford it financially?
What does another cycle look like?
What trade-offs are they willing to make?
These aren’t easy questions. But they’re asking them together.
A Love Letter to Their Future Child
Throughout their blog, Gary and Sam write directly to the child they haven’t met yet:
“You were not an accident. You were not a maybe. You were a decision.
We’ve made spreadsheets, booked 1am calls to America, debated the ethics of sperm and egg storage, and yes, Googled ‘can babies inherit sarcasm?’
We’ve done all of it not to tick boxes, but to build a life with you in it. You’re already deeply loved. Not just by the one who shares your DNA, but by both of us, equally, endlessly, and without question.”
Where They Are Now
As of November 2025, Gary and Sam are pausing. Resting. Planning.
They’re leaning toward trying again, but they’re doing it on their own timeline. With care. With intention. With the same love that brought them this far.
Their blog has slowed to fortnightly/monthly posts. They’re giving themselves breathing room while still sharing their story: the science, the emotion, the waiting, the hope that renews itself even when it gets knocked down.
Because this journey doesn’t end with one failed transfer.
It continues. One conversation at a time. One decision at a time. One dream at a time.
What Gary and Sam’s Story Teaches Us
1. Surrogacy for Gay Dads Is Built on Relationship, Not Transaction
In Australia, altruistic surrogacy means you can’t pay someone to carry your child. You have to build a relationship. Trust. Shared values. Gary and Sam were lucky enough to have surrogates from their chosen family, but even then, it took years of preparation, counseling, and emotional labor.
2. Every Step Is a Choice
From choosing an egg donor to deciding whose sperm to use, gay dads navigate decisions that heterosexual couples never face. There is no default. Every choice carries meaning.
3. The Legal System Is a Maze
Australian surrogacy laws vary wildly by state. What’s allowed in NSW might be banned in Queensland. And even after birth, you’re not automatically the legal parent – you have to go to court.
4. IVF Is Not a Guarantee
Even with the best science, the best eggs, the best surrogate, things can still not work. And when they don’t, the grief is real, even if it’s quiet.
5. Hope Renews Itself
Despite the setbacks, despite the cost (nearly $80k so far, with more to come), despite the emotional toll, Gary and Sam are still hopeful. Still planning. Still dreaming.
Because love doesn’t give up.
To Be Continued…
Gary and Sam’s journey isn’t tied up with a neat bow yet. It’s real, imperfect, hopeful, and unfolding one choice at a time. And that’s exactly why their story matters: because it reminds every gay couple considering surrogacy that you don’t need certainty to move forward. You just need intention, support, and a community that actually gets what this process asks of you.
If you’re reading their journey and thinking, “This feels like us,” or “We’re just starting, and we don’t even know where to begin,” you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Gary and Sam have partnered with Family By Choice to share everything they’ve learned – emotionally, legally, medically, and practically, in a dedicated course created for gay couples navigating surrogacy: Two Dads and a Dream: Surrogacy for Gay Couples.
Inside the course, they talk openly about the decisions no one prepares you for, the emotional reality behind the paperwork, and the human side of building a family through science, community, and hope.
You can access the course by joining the Family By Choice membership, where you’ll also find expert workshops, real stories from other parents, guidance from fertility specialists, and a community built for LGBTQ+ intended parents.
Because your journey deserves the same support, honesty, and love that Gary and Sam poured into theirs.
Join the Family By Choice membership to start watching the course today. Take your next step with clarity, confidence, and a village behind you.
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